You’re counting down to the must-see Doctor Who season finale, “The Name of the Doctor,” Presented by Supernatural Saturday and only on BBC America tonight at 8/7c. The Doctor has a secret he will take to his grave. And it is discovered… Share this one proudly. It’s from our friends at BBC America.
OK THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A SMALL POST :) THANKS IF ANYONE ACTAULLY READS IT… i ACTUALLY FEEL BETTER JUST TYPING IT OUT :P
Over the years and years of being alone in my head I’ve come to realize that my mom has the same issues as I do but hers are not as life disrupting as mine are. However my mother still doesn’t understand what I go through and doesn’t seem to know where my issues come from. She has come to terms that my OCD MAY come from her. I just think that she feels like if i got this illness from her that she is a failure as a parent so she just ignores it (not my illness but where it steams from). Which she does often.
Way back almost 9 year ago when my mood first started to spiral down I asked her if i could talk with someone she ignored it. Thought it was just a normal teen thing. It finally took her finding out that I tried to OD on some pills to step in. With only one foot though and soon she went back to her own life and forgot about me. Until another thing came up. Self harm and she just yelled at me about it just like she yelled at me when ever i would draw on myself. a few years after this I was sick and tired of crying in the middle of the night and sleeping all the time I decided to get help. The second the guy told her that my illness is probably why I have outbursts of yelling she stepped in again with just one foot. Again this was not to make me feel better it was so i wasn’t such a annoyance in her life. Yes it pained her to her that i often felt so hopeless i just wanted to die but as long as i actually didn’t do the deed she seemed to be fine with it. So through ups and downs of trying the best fit of pills and talk therapy and my own healthy therapy and not so healthy therapy i found the right stuff.
Through out this time no matter how hard i tried to educate my mother on my illness she just didn’t understand. Probably because she didn’t want to. I dont remember exactly her words but from her words i often came to the conclusion that the only reason she wanted me on meds is so i wouldn’t yell at her. That was her number one reason the second was to make me feel better. Again this comes from a long list of things i got so i wouldn’t be in her hair.
So I messed up my mother computer and the last time this happened shit hit the fan even though it wasn’t my fault it was just a crappy computer. So when this happened I freaked out. OD on some pills so i can just fall asleep. I wasn’t trying to kill myself I just wanted sleep and just avoid my parents cuz I’m afraid of my fathers anger that much. This scared my parents. This was the reality check they needed that I’m not a stable person that I do have real issues that need to be listened to and just pushed under the rug.
This changed a little but after a while things went back to normal. And it was like it never happened. And not after my actual suicide attempt like 2 years ago my parents are afraid if i’m ever alone. They need me to be with them. They actually took me on a vacation to Disneyland which was suppose to be just them because they didn’t want me to be alone. Not complaining awesome trip. But yeah. And the paste few months I’ve notice that fear has lessened. My mother is always concerned I sleep too much. But whatever.
Like i know she cares and wants me to be free of this shit but she doesn’t listen to me enough to understand what she can actually do to make that happen…
And she doesn’t understand how the drama with my grandma and them is causing me… My fathers anger is back which causes me to turn into that little girl being yelled at by him… and then i have my mom venting about it to me (which i dont mind i have a soft spot to listening to peoples problems) but she always go sick of my problems when i venting to her. But yet she never missed a call from my sister… which just hurts… but yeah that is a whole other chapter of why i should not live in this house. I could write an entire book on that subject…
~*~Butterflies In My Eyes ~*~
Alice is back! Resident Evil: Retribution is now available on Blu-ray and DVD. Be sure to check it out and get your copy today. Share this one proudly. It’s from our friends at Sony Pictures Home Entertainment.